In early May 2020, I was washing myself in the shower and felt some pain under my left nipple. Initially, I thought I’d scratched myself, but when I examined the area more closely, I discovered a lump. Although it felt unusual, I did what many men might in a similar situation and ignored it! Up until that point, I’d been used to checking down below, so to speak, but I’d never checked my chest.
A few weeks later, I was in the shower and noticed that the lump was still there. It felt different – maybe a bit harder – and I realized that it wasn’t going away. It was on my mind, as earlier in the year I had taken a friend to hospital after she discovered a lump on her breast, which turned out to be benign. I had the mantra ringing in my ears – if in doubt, shout! I did just that and rang my doctor. After initially suggesting that we just keep an eye on it, she changed her mind and asked me to come into the surgery as soon as possible.
When I saw my doctor, she was dressed head to toe in PPE as it was in lockdown, she had a quick poke and the normally very chatty tone of her voice changed almost straight away. Her immediate reaction was that it didn’t feel right and that I should get it checked out further. Even though we were in the middle of the pandemic at that stage, I was seen at Eastbourne Hospital within four days. I had an ultrasound and expected to wait a few days to get my results. However, just after I left the hospital, they rang me back saying that they needed to book me in for more tests because they had some concerns about my lump.
I had a biopsy, then went back to the breast clinic in Hastings for my results – it was very strange for me, being the only man there. I went with a female friend, but I got the impression that everyone thought she was the person waiting for results, not me! Before that day, I hadn’t even considered that my lump would be cancer – I thought it would be benign. But the fact that both a nurse and consultant were in the room for my appointment began to ring alarm bells.
They told me that I had grade 2 breast cancer and the next ten minutes were a total blur. I can’t remember what was said and I just couldn’t take everything in. I’d only been vaguely aware that men could get breast cancer and still thought of it as very much a female disease.
My treatment happened very quickly, about a week after my diagnosis the cancer was upgraded to grade 3 following a review of my test results. My operation was booked in for 12th August 2020 and I had to self-isolate for 10 days beforehand, plus take a full Covid test, three 3 days before the operation.
I had a mastectomy including lymph node removal and they found cancerous cells in some of the lymph nodes. I also had chemotherapy starting on 1st October, eight sessions fortnightly, finishing in January, then radiotherapy starting on 11th February 2021 for 15 working days.
Because I was a bloke in a department full of ladies, to start with I got very strange looks, as I was on my own and I did stand out. But on my second and third visits to the breast department weirdly I almost felt special! My treatment went pretty smoothly, to be honest and in some ways, it seemed that I got treated more quickly as a result of the Covid situation – I’m a self-employed surveyor and managed to work throughout. I’m now taking the hormone therapy Tamoxifen for five years, luckily without any side effects.
I didn’t tell many people at all about my diagnosis – I found it a little bit embarrassing that I had breast cancer, and I didn’t want lots of people fussing around me. I didn’t really know how to handle the news initially and when I did tell people, they were very shocked.
I’ve now got my head round things and I’m really happy to talk about what’s happened to me, to help raise awareness. I’ve got two sons in their 20s, one of whom lives in the United States – I didn’t tell him anything at all, until after I’d been diagnosed. My younger son, who lives with me, took the news badly. He had lost one of his best friends in a car accident, not long before my diagnosis, and was very worried that he was going to lose me too. He thought I was going to die – to him, cancer was death!
I had wonderful support from my family and a small group of close friends. I didn’t feel the need to seek more help at that time.
I take part in the monthly online Virtual Meet-up for men who have had a diagnosis of breast cancer, and it is good to share experiences with them.
Many people don’t know that men can get breast cancer. Recently I met Kriss Abuski while I was waiting to be interviewed on television and we got chatting. Kriss thought that it was my partner who was doing the interview and when he realised that it was me, he asked” Why as you’ve not had breast cancer.” He was stunned and listened to my story
As is the normal case he did not know that it is not just a woman’s disease.
My message to men in general is to not only check “below”, but to check “above” too and don’t be frightened if you find something. Just get it checked out, especially if you’re not sure. Men have died from breast cancer, because they’ve ignored the problem and not done anything about it. Proportionally, more men die of breast cancer than women. My diagnosis was a hell of a shock, but that phone call I made to my doctor’s was probably the best one of my life. My treatment was successful, because I did something about it.
** Thank you to Sally Orr and the VMU for sharing this story.